If there’s one phrase that has echoed in the back of my mind, it’s that I have no family, and by that I mean no children or spouse - and I’m middle aged.
I have relatives of course, sisters, nieces, nephews and a grandma. Both my parents died some years ago, so there’s no going home to them. My sister’s are so busy with their lives, and one actively ignores me, largely because she’s dealing with her own issues.
I’m not going to grandma’s, because my crazy creationist cunt of an aunt will probably call me a communist atheist while she parrots Isreali propaganda. I’d rather be alone than face that, which is sad AF since grandma is selling the family house and this will be the last year we can spend Christmas there.
Add to that the fact I never really had a full relationship because I focused all my time developing skills, something that used to bring me joy and the promise of success, but now I sort of hate what I do and haven’t been able to reach success. I’ve all but abandoned my dream and am deeply insecure about my future. In effect I have worked long and hard with nothing to show for it.
I have no feeling of belonging with my own countrymen even, and the foreigners are so self conscious that you instantly get pegged as “one of them”, “the other”, as they treat you as an inferior because they them selves have been made to feel inferior and feel the need to cope via toxicity. Can’t turn around without being slapped with some social pressure or putdown. I don’t feel like dealing with anyone.
This will be the second Christmas I spend alone and I don’t really feel like reaching out. I feel like a burden, like someone who has to be catered to, facilitated, tolerated. My only want is an escape. Whether that means leaving the country, joining a cult, moving out into a cave, I don’t know.
I just don’t know how to deal. I can’t really relate to anyone and I can’t find anyone I can trust, or who I feel I can confide in. So I take to the internet, to completely random strangers for respite.
Tell me your stories of loneliness, wether ongoing or from the past, how you intend to deal with it or how you dealt with it.
@taanegl whatever you do, don’t stay at home. This is a great opportunity to travel places. I spent my previous two Christmases alone in my house and I felt miserable. Try going to some place where you could go in the morning or return to the evening if you don’t afford/cannot get accommodation. Or, if you can, book a ticket in a sleeper train in one day in the evening, and another in a sleeper train back in the evening of the next day (that way, you could combine the cost of the accomodation with that of the transport, and you could come out cheaper and save time). Try getting through all the best parts of that place - maybe check for information about that city on Wikipedia or anywhere and take some photos (it could also be an opportunity to get into photography if you want. That’ll help you out as well. Then start categorizing your pics into a photo management program, you’ll keep yourself busy a lot).
As for me, I think I have enough chores to do to keep myself busy. Plus some movies to watch and a book to finish.
I love to travel :) never considered myself a tourist, because I like to travel to places and meet the people there. Not to lay on beaches and buy cheap trinkets.
I need to save up money again to actually go somewhere I’ve never been. I want to see Africa, Asia, even America. Been largely traveling in Europe and I feel like I need to spread the net wide.
Me and a Swedish-Ghanan friend have talked about visiting Japan to visit his friend, and I can maybe say hello to an old friend who plays the clarinet :)
The world truly is full of wonderful people.
Yeah, it is 😁
I was thinking maybe you could get yourself a sort of city break if you can 😁 visit some town nearby and check the places, idk.