I was talking with a friend today about Hallmark movies because we all seem to have at least one grandma who loves them around this time of year, and we’re hashing out the tropes they all share because they’re so formulaic that you could probably boil it down to a mad libs prompt, and something dawned on me because of one particular similarity, not in every film, but a lot of them - the Heroine quitting her high-stress executive job to move to a quaint little town and settle down with Mr. Right. It struck me as deeply misogynistic that the movies imply she can’t have both and that her career goals aren’t worth it compared to getting some dick.
The other side of that coin is, in almost every single one of these movies, the guy is a Prince who needs to marry, or secretly loaded, or otherwise financially stable unless the plot revolves around his family whatever on the brink of closure that the Heroine steps in to help save the day, and he’s shown to be a good-if-distant dad to his kids, if he has any, but needs help raising them because work keeps him busy, or his nanny’s retiring. It’s never implied that he should be the one giving up his lifestyle to be a better partner for her; The only thing Mr. Right is ever doing wrong in these movies, if anything, is just not already being with her, and I get that these films are basically wish fulfillment fics, but she is always the one who has to make a change for him, to basically be a stay at home mom, or step closer to it than she was at the beginning of the film. Does anybody else see that? Am I wrong in thinking that’s absolutely fucking greasy?
Dude, it must be your social circles. I’m related to, work with spouses of, or am friends with no less than 5 stay-at-home guys. Also, most men with families at my company take on significant child care responsibilities due to being able to work from home. It comes down to making things work so food’s on the table and good humans are raised (or a stable household is kept). Gender is impertinent.
As far a marriage having agreement on the big three: Money, sex, kids is helpful. This has long been known.
For me beyond that my only wish is that my partner be herself, cares about me more then my money or what I can do for her, that we like each other and similarly can stand each other, and our lives are heading in a compatible direction.
I have a wonderful wife and we have been together over 20 years and it gets better every year.
My point is for guys there is typically not that much expectation in terms of spousal earnings while for women there often is. Just my experience. I hope this is changing.
I admit that I am a young boomer but if you look at the next gen, the 30 somethings you still find similar patterns though less strong.
Of the 6 couples in my family of my generation, 5 are the husband doing most of the work outside the home. One is quite equal. For the 30 somethings and of the 5 couples two the guy is the primary earner, one the woman is, the other three are more balanced. Not sure how they think about it or how it will play out over the next 2 decades.
What made me think about it was I was watching “Married at First Sight”. One couple the woman had a huge problem with the guy not having a job at the moment… and it turned out she wanted to be a stay a home mom… though she had a good career. I have seen other seasons and shows where similar things have played out. Woman wanting the guy to be more successful. Not sure I have ever seen it the other way in these shows.