I mean like awareness that, just under the surface, there are deep explorations waiting for the right time and place to emerge; things you’ve set aside or placed on the back burner but will tackle eventually/many you already have tackled.
Are you deeply self aware of these interests like some kind of list? If so, are these interests deeply connected in your mind to your past explorations and interests like some kind of road map or branching tree structure of thought?
That’s fair, and I’m glad you’re in a part of the world that allows you to express yourself freely.
If being on the stage, dressing different, or playing the drums is something you want to go at, I’d say do it. You won’t know it until you’re in it. There will be some aspects you like, and some you won’t. What you perceive and what actually is, are often different.
I’ve always found that the things I excel at, are the things I’m genuinely interested in. And when I follow those paths for a while, they all have similar lessons. It’s like an all rivers lead to the ocean kinda thing.
Counter intuitively though, I also feel more liberated when I’m disciplined about getting little goals done on those paths. When I follow my exact, in the moment emotions, it usually leads me to addiction and forms of laziness. Just gotta push through the bullshit for a bit lol. “Beauty stems from pain” sort of fits with what I’m saying here. Might not be the same for everyone though, but for the past few years I’ve been excited to get out of bed lol.
Anyways, listen to your heart and you’ll feel full. Good luck!