@alyaza@beehaw.org is MIA currently, but this weekly thread has been so awesome to see and keep going; so I am making what would be her typical post for this week. Alyaza; stay safe friend, I hope everything is okay.
Beeple, how’s your mid week going so far??
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It’s pretty bad. I am a freshly graduated programmer, I am pretty confident with my programming skills but I can’t find a job for 5 months now. I’am trying to make my communication skills better tho cuz English is not my first language but yeah.
Edit: just got an invitation for a job interview wish me luck!!!
Same boat here, haha. My spouse is a senior dev and mentors me when needed but even that isn’t helping. I’m just working voluntarily for someone that was my instructor but I am pretty much refactoring the code most of the time, lol.
oh, we got this!!
Good luck with the interview!
Even if you aren’t going to work there for whatever reason, the first interview is normally what sets things in motion and makes other opportunities start popping up all around you.
I have no idea why it’s this way, but it’s my personal observation and what most people I know tell me, so based on lots of anecdotal evidence.Yeah I’ve been in a few interview and yeah what you said about the first interview thing is right. At least every month I had one to two interviews and the last interviewer said that I need to improve on my English verbally like expressing my self, my ideas and less “umm/uhhh” moments.
That’s great news, and fantastic timing! Good luck on the interview, though I’m sure you’ve got this.
Thank you and I will do my best
Edit: just got an invitation for a job interview wish me luck!!!
Glad to hear it! Good luck, you’ve got this! 💪
One of my loved ones is in hospital (in another town) so I’m really hoping they are okay.
I still feel really shy about posting here, but I’m trying to be more myself on the internet lately. Or in general.
My prayers and sympathy. I also hope your loved one gets better soon and has a good prognosis.
Thank you! And thanks for starting the thread I like these, though I mostly lurk.
Sending positive thoughts, hope they pull through
Thank you! They are a huge believer in positive thoughts so I will tell them they are getting some extra!
Been pretty chill so far!
Playing some baldurs gate 3 and studying for the az-305 test. Looks like the role based tests are going to be open book with access to Microsoft Learn soon.
My girlfriend moved in after a year and a half as well, got lots of organizing and remembering how to live when it’s not just you in the house again. Been almost 3 years since I’ve had someone else around haha. Going wonderfully so far!
That’s so cool! It’s so enjoyable to learn that side of someone you love as well, all the little things you only know about someone if you live with them.
I agree!
Nice to hear someone is having a great day.
Not super great. I had a planned surgery this Tuesday that the anesthesiologists cancelled last minute because I had some mild symptoms they weren’t comfortable with. Given that this surgery involves two surgeons and a robot it may be some time before it gets rescheduled but I’m currently left in the dark- both of the surgeons regular schedulers are off so they’re trying to find someone else to figure it out and they need to use OR time for the other surgeon because the main surgeon is booked into December. I’m a bit worried it’s gonna be a rather long wait but I won’t know for a bit- they asked to give them until next Monday to sort out a schedule 😔
So I’m gonna need to figure out support again whenever they decide to book me, and probably will need to go back to work for an unknown period of time 🫠
That must be incredibly frustrating, but it’s also good to see the anaesthetists take their job so seriously. Hope you don’t have to wait too long
Yeah honestly a lot of feelings I’m dealing with right now but frustration is one of the top ones. I wish I could cry about it but that’s just not in the cards right now
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You should probably talk to a therapist. Maybe a psychologist. I know people who have gone through tough times ; going through therapy sessions helped them a big deal.
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It’s often hard to be married to someone with PTSD. I haven’t had a very good week. In fact, I’ve not had a very good year. My nephew committed suicide, my parents aren’t doing so well, and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I listen, but I don’t really talk. And when I do speak, I feel like people don’t understand me. If I show even the slightest vulnerability, I get told I’m playing the victim, so I try to keep a cheerful exterior.
The best things I have are: My discord buddies (really the closest friends I’ve got, which I know is pathetic), and I actually like my job and see what we do as praxis (though it’s been harder and harder not to feel like I’m just doing zombie mode).
There’s just a deep and profound sadness inside me, and my emotions are so raw that I just curl up like an armadillo.
The only moments I feel alive are when I’m on my longboard or bicycle. I keep thinking I should try to become closer friends with my longboarding pal because otherwise we probably won’t talk much in winter. I also reconnected with a friend who I used to be very close friends with back in high school, so I should work on that friendship, too.
just saying, you should definitely invest in therapy if you can afford to and you do not already. it sounds like you’re dealing with some difficult relationship mechanics on top of having a rough year in general.
I feel like I have no one to talk to. I listen, but I don’t really talk. And when I do speak, I feel like people don’t understand me. If I show even the slightest vulnerability, I get told I’m playing the victim, so I try to keep a cheerful exterior.
Not exactly the same thing, but when my partner was laid up from a broken leg, I was their primary caretaker and i ran into something similar. I felt very deeply that I was going through a difficult struggle as their caretaker, what with juggling all of the added responsibility with my job and everything. My partner is the person i would usually talk to about this kind of feeling, but anytime I brough it up, they would shut me down, saying that they didn’t want to hear how hard i had it while they were also suffering from their painful fracture. My thinking was that we could share our struggles with each other, and that would be healthy, but my partner disagreed, saying that hearing my struggles made them feel bad. When I talked to my therapist about this, she agreed with my perspective, stating that providing emotional support was the least my partner could do. Hearing that from an outside perspective really helped me get through that time.
I’m sorry you’re going through it, bud. I hope those new friendships you’ve been cultivating pan out ❤
Than you for the thoughtful response. It’s encouraging to know that someone understands a bit what this is like.
I agree with the therapy idea. It’s hard to pick up the phone. I feel like they bombard me with questions I can’t answer the moment I call, but I need to get past that discomfort and try. I feel like I’ve had a really hard time finding a good therapist. I had one for a short amount of time, but she moved away from my state which, I don’t blame her.
It’s also scary how much money it can cost, but it’s my life. I’ve got to do it.
It’s hard to pick up the phone. I feel like they bombard me with questions I can’t answer the moment I call, but I need to get past that discomfort and try. I feel like I’ve had a really hard time finding a good therapist.
I hear you! I’ve been without a therapist for like a year now. I keep meaning to work on finding a new one, but it’s hard. Therapy is kind of incompatible with our stupid capitalist healthcare system. Until you find a therapist, you have to treat it like you’re shopping around for a new car or something. And of course, adopting and holding that mindset requires executive function, which is the very thing you need therapy to help you improve on. It’s a catch-22 😩
The money part is real. With my insurance I was able to get $40 a session, but i’m extremely fortunate to have better employer-based insurance than most folks. And even at $40 a session, there are days where you question if you got your $40 worth.
I feel like people don’t understand me. If I show even the slightest vulnerability, I get told I’m playing the victim
Sorry to hear. I’m well into several years of trending that direction and facing the realization that I have very little control over it.
I find that big waves of this attitude have been hitting multiple societies, we are told to “pick ourselves up by our own bootstrap” and seek “private personal therapy” - but there is no real weather report about how people are under the influence of many different information systems and outright campaigns to influence attitudes and reactions.
There’s just a deep and profound sadness inside me, and my emotions are so raw that I just curl up like an armadillo.
it’s become a lifestyle for a year for me now, and the couple years before that weren’t much more than a couple people with semi-neighborly contact. It’s not a nice precipice to observe and realize you are folding into.
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I’m sorry you have been going through so much. I also get told I’m playing the victim. It’s hard, I always feel like I can’t express myself right so I don’t want to try but not trying hurts my relationships more. I hope your week gets better and you start feeling better
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My brother got COVID, and he infected me as well. Tuesday was a bit shit during the evening, Wednesday was totally shit, the whole day, and today it seems better, but it’s still shit nonetheless.
Could be worthwhile giving @alyaza@beehaw.org a call if you know her in real life… It is a bit of a worry honestly based on her last post she hasn’t dropped by in 10 days (especially considering her last weekly update).
We have been in communication.
Good to hear. Just wanted to make sure
I’m going through a rough patch with my partner. I’m feeling really guilty about it, but they need time.
Rough patches are rough but it sounds like you are giving them the space they need. Hope it works out soon!
Well…the good news is I submitted my letter of resignation for my job, which I am thrilled about. I’ll have better pay and flexibility and work for a company that has more than adequate staffing and support.
The bad news is my boss is trying to do EVERYTHING she can to get me not to leave. I told her no 6 different ways to no avail. She doesn’t respect boundaries. My supervisor that left a year and a half ago said it took her three times to leave. I had a meeting with boss yesterday and felt so manipulated it was disgusting. I also have to give a month’s notice so it’s going to be a long 3 weeks. I’m hoping that once I sign a contract at my new job (hopefully tomorrow), that will get my boss to let it go.
The key is to let them know that you don’t give a damn about them anymore.
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Worsening 📉
Last week I got my trauma appointment, fast tracked from next year, which was a nice surprise, and the doctor, nurses and staff turned out to be really nice and helpful, more than usual 😀. This week it turned out they’ve also fast tracked another appointment for a test, called me Monday to go right on Tuesday 😯… which turned out to basically confirm that my left leg is partly MIA, while the right is only slightly better 🤦. The next day I got a notification of another fast tracked appointment, for rehabilitation… and noticed that they’ve switched it form “normal” to, not just “priority”, but “urgent”… which explains the whole fast tracking, and now got me really worried 😟.
I can still walk around, but ever so slower, have to take a seat every few minutes, if I walk for too long I start falling over, can’t stay seated for too long without my back killing me, even on painkillers, and my left arm full on wakes me up at night when they wear off. Work is off the table, can barely do anything around the house, going to the nearest pharmacy requires “going uphill both ways” (literally), can’t start tackling the other problems like debt, inheritance (more debt, plus taxes, plus family drama), can’t really make any plans for the future, and next week I might end up home alone (with cats) without anyone to lend a hand.
On the “bright” side, the brain fog I’ve had for about a year after last time I got COVID, seems to be slowly lifting, which makes me see everything more clearly… or how many fires I’ve got to put off 🔥😰🔥
Not horrible, in general. The saga of the CPAP continues. Some nights I sleep well, some nights I don’t. I suppose I’m sort of getting used to it? Last night was not good so that’s colouring everything.
I saw a doctor who agreed to start me on post-menopausal HRT, as I have a family history of severe osteoporosis. I can think of about fifty other reasons I want to be on HRT, so I’m delighted.
My adult son and I made up from the huge fight we had last week, and I was able to come out of my room. The gist of the fight is that I need my adult kids to adult more than they do. I’m tired of managing the household. I know that in our location neither kid has the option of moving out (there’s a severe housing crisis and even if you find a place, rents are crazy expensive). I can live with that, but I can’t live with them doing nothing and leaving all the household chores to me like I’m the maid.
The Blindboy Podcast brought up this problem (adult children living with their parents because of the housing crisis) on one of his recent podcasts, but he framed it from the point of view of the adult children. I’m interested to hear what kind of struggles you face on the opposite side, apart from what you’ve just mentioned here. How did you picture your life when you got to this stage and how has that changed?
My own parents were of the “you’re an adult, look after yourself” generation, and my parenting style was the opposite of what they did. My kids were told they’d always have a home with me, and I meant it. I didn’t foresee that they’d still be at home at 28 and 21 years of age with no chance of them moving out anytime…well, it’s starting to feel like they might be here for good. It feels like there can be no end to it, we live in a rural area and that means no jobs as well as no houses.
I won’t lie, I was looking forward to my kids being grown and gone (with loads of visits of course). I’m struggling a lot lately. I never have any privacy in my own house, I’m having to lay down the law about things like voice chatting in the living room. My kids ought to have more privacy too, I sympathise with their side of it too. My 21 year old is in a bloody box room, god knows it’s not easy for any of us.
Apologized to a new friend over email, and as soon as I saw she wanted to call in her reply I got her on the phone and we talked things through.
Also I broke a nail and now my thumb looks like a baby’s thumb and it creeps me out.
It’s really nice to have friends who are willing to talk things through. So many problems can be overcome by good communication.
I’ve realized not so long ago how absolutely terrible I am at communication. It’s like when you reach a new level in a skill and suddenly you see how much you didn’t know that you don’t know.
Talked with a bunch of current and ex-coworkers about what a shit storm the workplace is. I don’t know that I’ll ever have enough motivation to leave.
Damn, I’ve been struggling this week with whether I should leave my PhD program with a master’s or keep toughing it out, and this really hit home for me.
That’s a real mood, yeah.
I just recently decided to stick with mine. I was having a lot of doubts: feeling like I wasn’t making and progress, like I wouldn’t actually be able to finish the projects I started, impostor syndrome shit, etc. I’m happy I decided to stick with it. I just cleared some big milestones and I’m in the middle of a nice long vacation now, and I’m feeling excited again about my work.
On the other side of things, I’ve got a friend who decided to leave his PhD program with a masters a few years ago. He’s now heading up product development for a robotics startup, doing quite well for himself.
I don’t think there’re any wrong answers here. Do what will make you happiest. Maybe you just need a vacation, maybe you’re ready to move on. And remember that education is never wasted: even if you decide not to finish out the PhD, you’ve still learned a lot and that’s valuable with or without the piece of paper and title.
Best wishes, friend, whichever way you decide to go ♥
Hey, just want to start off by saying doing a PhD is the real accomplishment, not the title you get for finishing it.
That said, I relate!
I had to quit my PhD project after 1.5 years because of disagreements with my supervisors and yeah it hurt like hell. It was not my choice to quit but I was the one who decided to walk away from it in the end (as to avoid months of fighting my supervisors and struggling for 2.5 more years with mutual trust completely gone).
I made that decision in February and I’ve been feeling so much better since. I barely realised how deep of a hole I was in, or more like a vortex that keeps pulling you down. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my project (automatic speech recognition to spot oral reading errors) and did not regret putting my heart and soul into it. What I’m saying is that a PhD is so intense it’ll suck you in so deep you won’t even notice how much it controls your mind until you step out of it.
I basically cried for 2 days from just sheer grief of having to let this project (and the dream of a PhD) go. But damn if it wasn’t cathartic as hell.
I won’t assume you’re having the same experience I did but I can imagine you’re currently afraid of career perspectives in case you quit. Let me tell you: there’s a big world out there outside of academia and very few of them care if you have degrees upwards of a master’s. Prospective employers will understand that you’re intelligent regardless, and there’s much more to gain developing soft/transferable skills.
Anyway I wish you the best, not trying to encourage you to quit but please realise there are other career paths and well and quitting a PhD does not equal failure or giving up! It can be a healthy choice.
