My sister Lena’s friend regularly screamed at her, made fun of people, was ableist, etc.
She is on-and-off nice and mean. Right now, she’s nice. Before, she hated Lena. Now, she likes Lena. In a few months, she’ll hate Lena again.
Lena’s friend believes nothing is ever her fault and refuses to get help. She is very secretive and guarded, and acts very paranoid. Along with her defensive behavior, this makes me think she’s sadly being abused if she isn’t just a jerk.
She has quite the ego, but I’m not sure if it can be justified. Lena wants to be her friend and help her even with her behavior.
(She apparently has NPD)
We can’t fix other peoples issues for them.
We can choose to support them if they are actively trying to fix their own issues.
We can also decide that even though they are trying the impact is too big on us and distance ourselves.
But if they aren’t actually trying to better themselves there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves.
Your sister needs to look into co-dependence and trauma-bonding (if not in this case then for future reference), and focus on becoming emotionally independent rather than confusing nurturing with doormat. She can only fix her own issues, not her friends. And learn that not every friend is worth the title.