Go hunting some time and try dressing an animal. Try and use a pocket knife or any other for that matter. You will quickly find the value of a filleting knife and that there is much to the technique. It is not at all like you imagine it to be, I promise it is much much harder than that and nothing like games or movies might have you imagine. It is more like cutting a tough steak. Some little knife is nothing more than superficial cutting at best. Even if you really hit an artery somewhere, you would be strangled twice over before that wound would lead to a loss of consciousness.

For me, as a former racing cyclist, you never want to be around my legs. My lower body is deceptively massive and stronger than you can imagine, especially at my size. All I have to do is bulldoze you with my weight and size. If you are expecting some kind of parried fighting you are wrong. I will put my weight and efforts into stopping and pinning your arm, but my objective is to physically dominate you by force and I do not care if you get a stab. In my crashes on the bike I lost one of the nerves in my chin for a quarter of my face where I am numb to pressure and temperature. I split my right hand between index and middle finger into my palm. I am covered in scars from road rash taking off large chunks of skin. I know pain on another level. If I am on top of you at all, you have no chance of overcoming the force of my legs. My thighs are likely around the size of your waist if you are a skinny 5’5". So yeah, good luck with former racing me. You would likely unintentionally push my head to my left. Even a mild blow there would likely cause me major trouble and maybe death. Likewise with punching at a my ribs that connect to my sternum. You could easily crush or collapse my vertebrae with little effort. The rest of me is a strong 42yo, but my mid to upper spine is something like 90.

Some people do not feel pain. I got that ability the hard way, but I have known two people that got it with genetics. They actually have trouble where they could bleed out before noticing it. Never assume anything when you are throwing out all morality to turn to violence. Your opponent is the smartest, most well armed, strongest and most agile person on the planet. To assume anything less is to wind up dead. Never pull a gun you are unwilling or unable to use, same with a knife. Make every threat real or you end up dead because luck is a killer that must never get called. Surprise is everything in fighting, so constrain every variable possible. If you are pulling a knife in defense, that means I am attacking. That means I have constrained the variables. That means I am prepared and you will never have the chance to draw your knife. I am not attacking you because, like everyone else, I am not motivated to harm you in any way. At your age, I had a 12 gage, a .243, and a .22 that helped me through that phase. Humans are not fully cognitively developed until the age of around 25. The logic skills and self awareness in this specific area are a major aspect of what is still growing and developing. Try to keep that anxiety in check as best as possible. It is natural to feel such anxiety. It is part of developing self awareness and logical scopes of vulnerability and hierarchy. We do not talk about this stage of development enough in US culture.