The doctor who saw me at A&E was pretty rude about 111 and said they pretty much just send everyone his way regardless of what’s wrong with them.

111 doesn’t help. I got an insect bite a while ago and had an allergic reaction to it so I rang 111. After working their way through their ‘is this person actually dying’ script they told me to go to A&E. I felt like a time-waster, but went along because that’s what I’d been told to do. But, realistically, I could probably have waited until the following day and gone to see my GP.

Fuck off, I’m not paying £1.8B for a digital ID that I don’t even want!

What’s wrong with my Blockbuster membership card?

Look into the switch statement instead of the else ifs.

Might equally be a Rush fan.

🎵 I set a course just east of Lyra
And northwest of Pegasus
Flew into the light of Deneb
Sailed across the Milky Way
On my ship, the ‘Rocinante’
Wheeling through the galaxies
Headed for the heart of Cygnus
Headlong into mystery 🎵

• Cygnus X-1, Rush

“… a staggering 224 years in Glasgow”

Unless we’re talking about trans Glaswegian vampires this seems desperately unlikely.

Great way to get more cars on the road, good job big brains!

It helps me with my list of people never to invite out to the pub for a pint and a chinwag.

Trump’s here for two days, I think. I imagine all four will be released without further charge on the third day.

Doesn’t sound like they need any practise.

My time has come! Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuule Britanniaaaaaaaaaa! Britannia rules the waaaaaaaves, Britons never, never, never, will be slaaaaaaaaaves!

Unless, of course, it’s to US tech-bro billionaires, Russian oligarchs, Eton hedge-fund fuckbois, Australian media deathlords, or a range of other vastly wealthy skidmarks.

Maybe you miss their point, perhaps because they didn’t use a /s or something.

In the mind of the racist dingleberries there are white immigrants (including but not limited to Celts, Romans, Normans, Saxons, Vikings) who are ‘real Britons’ and then there are brown immigrants who are clearly not ‘real Britons’, on account of how they don’t look like us but do like spicy food.

Yup. I’m cool with paying more tax for better services.

Exactly like him.

My wife and I had an argument about this the other day. She thinks Farage doesn’t want to be PM because too much work, etc. Personally I think he would utterly fucking love to be PM so he could (in his own mind) be held as an equal of Churchill, Thatcher, and any other far higher achieving politician. He craves validity and this would give him all he could ever wish for.

I don’t, for a moment, think he’d put the hours in and do any work. He’s spent his entire political life doing sweet fuck all (as a statement) and I doubt he’d turn around and change.

How dare you tell people that I flashed my nob at a bunch of women without their consent without my consent!

the proposed name of London and South East University Group

So inspiring.

You have to house a fighting-age male immigrant in your shed.

I was in Chess Club at school (I know, I know, quite the jock!). We played chess. Then we got bored of chess and played backgammon. And backgammon without a bet is dull, so we started gambling. Then gambling became the point of playing. Then we moved on to poker.

I remember one poker hand. The deck was made up of about five different packs of cards. Jokers, black twos, one-eyed jacks, bedside queens, and suicide kings were all wild. I ended up with a hand of five aces. Two were real aces, three were wild cards. I had to raise. I mean, how can you not raise with five aces? What is the point of playing poker if you don’t raise with five aces?

Sadly, two other people also had five aces and one of them had three real aces and only two wild cards so they won the hand.

I lost £20 on that single hand and hated every single moment of playing it because somehow I knew, deep down, that I was going to lose. That was a lot of money for me back then and there were other, far better things I could have dropped it on - LPs were about £5 back then, video games £10.

But, it was a great early lesson on the ‘gotta keep going’ mindset of the gambler combined with the certainty that I was going to lose my money. I’m glad it happened, despite the short term remorse I felt immediately afterwards.

He’s just showing them the gift shop on the way out.