I’ve been thinking this since it started and saying it for a bit. I don’t understand at all how there were memes of this on the front page all the time and it took this long to do even this. Has there been any attempt at an effort to notify whoever is in the picture that this is happening? I would like to help if possible.
Yeah I definitely need to read this book. For me it’s lead to a lifelong substance abuse issue (one month clean from my current DOC (I’m a polysubstance user), cannabis still but that’s not a problem for me) in which I was self medicating my intense sensitivity to any and all stimuli including emotional (I’m extremely empathetic and have strong feelings at all times unless dulled by substances, yes that includes during sleep) as well as sensory (my dad noticed first when I was young, he said I was "more tactile " when I was in elementary and he was partially right and that how I thought of it until I learned more and developed a better understanding with better coping skills and habits), along with the way I think being pretty rigid in some ways, for example I became a militant atheist in elementary school; I later developed a more accurate understanding of my beliefs but as a child I strongly resisted attempts to proselytize to me and bring me to church and church classes or whatever it was and all kinds of shit that never made sense to me the way it was being explained by religious people who were not well informed but had strong feelings about the topic. I have rarely felt well understood even through years of various therapies and treatments with many providers for my many health issues, including the aforementioned substance abuse issue. This book sounds like it might help me understand myself at least. Thank you for sharing :)
Btw I was very underweight for years, I wonder if that has anything to do with what you mentioned about burning calories thinking. I am literally constantly explaining in my head what I’m doing as if someone was watching me and asking what I’m doing. I’ve gotten really good at explaining myself and during my addiction that came in handy, but now I can use it for good, like having this positive interaction with you :)
Oh I don’t mean it that way, I have always felt like I’m “on” too much of the time and it wears me out, especially in the years since my “big T” trauma event happened. It’s at least partially hyper-vigilance, but I think it’s also just how I am. Thats what I meant by messed up, it kind of seems like I’m in the deliberative state more than I “should” be (or what’s average, whatever) and when the reflexive state happens it’s not always at a helpful time.
Psst! Your comment has a typo that makes the joke not work. Just letting you know :)
Wow that is so fucking interesting. I gotta read that book. I think I have a messed up relationship between those two states if that makes sense
Thank you, that is a great answer that helps me both feel better and take steps if necessary. 10/10 would ask again.
Edit: sorry I know this sounds sarcastic but I really am grateful.
I’m sure this wiki page is fine and very useful, but fandom itself is not a very good place to host it. Thats all I meant by that.
My stove has a “hood”/fan that runs through the microwave and into a cabinet and that’s it. What can I do? After reading all this I intend to keep the window open nearby when cooking, and I always have two large air purifiers running in the living room attached to the kitchen.
Huh TIL. Thats cool
https://solarcooking.fandom.com/wiki/Scheffler_Community_Kitchen
Apologies for the fandom link
Probably just fire 1000 employees
Baked Beans
Read the title of the post 🙄
I do not claim to know what “most people” think and I don’t believe that you have that knowledge either. If you would like to challenge that belief please come with receipts this time, instead of making broad generalizing statements that may seem true to you, when clearly you are biased (not that I’m not, but that’s why I’m not saying shit about what “most people” think).
I agree that you should not be pretending or feigning interest. You should be trying to genuinely find areas of common interest.
How is that at all compatible with the original advice given, which in your own words is the “absolute basics” of approaching and talking to strangers? This is bad advice in my mind and you haven’t said anything to the contrary that is convincing.
Also I would not take your advice on how to talk to people because you’re coming off super patronizing to me.
Let’s say I walk straight up to them and say “I saw you and you sparked my interest, and I’d like to get to know you better.”
Except that’s not what we’re talking about, this piece of advice specifically advises that you hide your intentions.
OK, well what comes next? How do you get to know someone (total stranger) better? It’s going to involve talking about random stuff until (hopefully) you both end up feeling comfortable with each other.
I don’t know about you but I don’t talk about “random stuff”, I talk about things that are important to me and that I actually want to talk about, because that will actually tell me if i feel comfortable with someone and I want to get to know them better.
The other thing is about that first part (“I saw you/wanna get to know you”) is heavily implied by you walking over and saying hello.
Actually it’s not, because in the situation we’re actually talking about you’re approaching a group of people and pretending to be interested in what they’re talking about until you get “an in” with the person you’re actually interested in. That’s lying.
I believe in direct communication, as opposed to playing games. Maybe that’s why I don’t go to a lot of parties or bars etc. it’s hard to talk when there’s so much going on. I have a lot of sensitivity to sensory overwhelm so that doesn’t help. I don’t believe in “small talk” as you’re using it here, I.e. to mean talking for the sake of talking and not about what you actually want to talk about. You’re right that it’s low stakes but it’s basically a mini lie, and I also value vulnerability and emotional honesty very highly.
Maybe for you, but I don’t appreciate when people lead me on like that, especially intentionally.
Eh this feels manipulative and they might notice that. Feels like pick-up artist shit because you arent actually interested in the conversation or the other people and you’re just faking it because your already established intention is to talk to one person specifically, for romantic/sexual reasons
“Every time I have a problem, I just throw a Molotov cocktail, and then I have a different problem!”
I mean depending how its handled and on context, yes of course, but I’m not suggesting we traumatize this person further than whatever has already happened. Like someone else said letting the university is a decent first step.