In the UK its not a “complete waste to even contact the police” because you need a crime number from them to claim on insurance.
I can and would claim home insurance for this and just buy a new one. It would only cost me time but my dumb ass has a lot of that
Its a dishonest clickbait tactic given most people assume the story would end with “i got it back smashed up”.
I was let down by the time I completed reading but not enough to downvote.