• 18 Posts
  • 71 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 29th, 2023

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  • I opened the video on my computer to see if it was a small screen issue. I listened to half then muted the other half. Some personal thoughts, but looking for accessibility guides would be best.

    • Any reason for embedded subtitles? I think being able to customize them to your own comfort would help.
    • The extra information / notes should be bigger. I think that’s what I usually see. I might have had issue with complete sentences instead of key ideas.
    • Present the note before the explanation, that way I have some sense of where you are going.
    • Speak a little slower or add some pauses between sentences or ideas. This is the first video of yours that I thought the subtitles were too fast, but it will help with your board format.

    Tried one last time full screen on my computer, but still the same problems. Information overload.



  • That’s on me, I’m sorry. I realized the implications of my words, but failed to choose better ones. I have no problem with your style or tone. As I said, I feel your posts are personal and passionate.

    Let’s try again. Context is important. I believe a lot in subjectivity, which can be confusing, others need facts and concrete examples, something I have learned to keep in mind when asked in the past. You tell me the best way to communicate with you.

    You said I attacked you and that I want to fix your existence. Those are not facts. I offended you and I might have hurt you, these are facts and I won’t deny them, and I accept my responsibility for what I did.

    You see, I suffer from anxiety and depression. After two months in therapy, I feel comfortable to once again engage in the community and take risks. I just wanted to help (which doesn’t excuse my mistakes), but reading this response would make me retreat again weeks ago. I would ask myself of I’m really this bad person you are interpreting me to be and if my contributions have any value, if I shouldn’t just let other people more prepared to deal with it. I was also hurt by what you said.

    I’m a sensitive man, but my whole life people have called me robotic, unfeeling, reserved and the like. They didn’t agree with the way I lived my life and thought trying to change me was a kindness. They are wrong. I’ve seen so many people suffer because the world refuses to allow them space that I try to make sure I’m accommodating. I believe everyone should grow in life by learning how to express themselves in their own unique ways.

    All this is me trying to reveal myself so I can be better understood. Because I think it’s important. Because I think this community is important. And because I think you are important too. I learned a little bit about you today. I have learned other bits before and imagine I’ll see more in the future. I asked some questions to help me with that as well, but you decide what you want to share.


  • Please, don’t feel like we are piling on you. I personally would say you came as a positive disruption, but making sure this is a safe space is a big priority and that means even discussions filled with good intentions have to be careful. You should check tildes for comparison.

    Now about forums and chat rooms. Chat rooms never felt really personal to me, but I could never socialize with a lot of people at the same time well. Forums, 20 years ago, were a space I inhabited frequently. Deeper context for me was knowing who I was talking to because I had read their posts and comments in the past. We engaged ideas, but we considered people as well. Of course, not every discussion was the same, with some more abstract than others.

    I have been seeing your posts for the past week. They feel very personal, but your approach feels detached, academic. Try being more conversational, asking questions and being interested. For instance: What brought you here? Why do you post? What do you expect to offer and get? Ideas, opinions, experiences? Educate people, get collaboration for your ideas, someone to challenge and strength them?

    I truly believe our mods want to be accepting, but their role is also to maintain peace by guiding and reminding we all of our philosophy.





  • My comment is all context. The word is not the problem, it’s the way it’s being used.

    Try it in terms of double standards. It’s an experiment that has been done. People see a man talking aggressively to a woman and some will intervene. People see a woman talking aggressively to a man and the number that intervenes drops significantly, some will cheer.

    Or try it in terms of victims of violence. They see people fighting and they react as if they are in immediate danger. They feel safe with their friends, but their friends suddenly decide to start arguments on the street.

    Reading what you wrote, I know you can understand the issue. We are not saying you all are wrong, just that it hurts. Can you understand why it hurts? That’s the only thing that really matters and that I want to discuss right now.


  • Hello there. I assume you have good intentions with your comment, but I read it as if you were talking to an idea, not a person. A person has feelings that they want to express and be validated. Treat the wound before discussing how to prevent it.

    You offered a solution, disengaging, which is nice. I also believe we have a responsibility to ourselves. The problem that I want to point out is you might not have asked yourself the question: "Why don’t they leave the situation? " Can you think of a reason? There must be, we can even ask if necessary. You see, what’s non essential in my life might be very important for someone else.

    About space and fairness. This is not a childish dispute. You have the right to your space. In practical terms, they will follow you home and take it from you if you let them. I’m not being hyperbolic. They don’t want you to exist anywhere and will follow you everywhere. Beehaw is a gated space that so many people disapprove, but that serves a very specific purpose, being a safe space, because hiding and isolating yourself from the world is not good to your mental health either.


  • Sorry for hijacking the post, but I don’t think people get why this usage of weird bothers some people. It’s not that we (several kinds of weird we) are not used to be called weird or similar. We grew up and found people who were like us and understood our quirkiness. Weird was the weapon of the bigot and we took that away from them. Until our friends, or community at large, started acting like the people that hurt us in the past. We could deal with the bullies and ignorant using it against us, but this new situation was unexpected.

    I don’t like comparing struggles, but I’ll use examples to, maybe, make things clear. Using queer instead of weird would have bothered them the same, although I don’t believe it would have worked the same way, but more people at our side would see the issue. And the next one might be much more personal, but reading “good weird, bad weird” sounds like “good negro, bad negro” to me. You don’t get to judge or qualify me.

    Also, even in a discussion that completely accepts and is understanding of people using weird as a weapon to the point of trying to find another word to be used in a positive way, there are comments that invalidate the feelings of those who are affected. If you believe words have power, why can’t you see the collateral damage?

    Honestly, I’m trying to endure it until election season ends there in the USA, but I’m starting to feel the need to talk about all the wonderful things I like using the word weird just to counteract the negativity.


  • I was talking about how we always have this type of discussion frequently with my therapist earlier today. It’s always nice to pause and remind ourselves and those outside of our philosophy. One thing that I’d like to add is we might not be(e) nice sometimes because of personal circumstances. We are having a bad day and a comment will trigger a reaction that would be uncommon or we might be aggressive without provocation.

    In cases we feel the need to hit back, I’d advise postponing the response by at least one hour. Give yourself time to clear your mind and think things over. And if you are the target of users having a bad day, reminding them that they are not be(e)ing nice is the alternative. Asking questions is the best. “Did I offend you?”, “Did I say something wrong?”, “I don’t understand what the issue is.” Even if they keep the aggression, they will point to the specific issue that needs to be worked on, or prove they don’t want to discuss genuinely.