So, for reasons I can’t explain, that was the template name in the byline box at my school paper. I got roped into this fiasco on my third piece.

Three stories meant you shedded your “contributing writer” title and got “The Daily” instead.

I’m well aware of Revenge of the Nerds, so no need to head there. It’s funny how these things work … you think shit’s gone wrong, and then …

The correction that ran the next day crediting me was of small solace, given the fuckup I was about to do in sports (seriously, people, don’t put me in sports).

I’d not recommend running “My Leaking Heart” over a feature on a soccer player who, well, yeah, had a heart condition in which his heart leaks. I was 19 and stupid. The sports ed told me to just put something there and he’d circle back.

It. Never. Fucking. Works. That. Way.

“My Leaking Heart” ran. All-you-can-eat crow ensued. In my defense, a few days into ever working at a newspaper, the story came over with a hed of “Braveheart.” I may have been 48 hours into journalism, but I told the sports ed I wasn’t running it. (insert growing up with The Economist here), so he said, "just throw something on there, and I’ll fix it at the end of the night.

Dummy text it a disastrous idea outside of lorem ipsum and xyxyxy.

If you want to hone in on ascenders, fine. Typographically, that’s an absurd metric as a daily issue.