We’ve been divorced since 2016. We’ve, uh, met up a few times over the years, but that ended around 2019.

And at this point, I can’t recall the last time we could talk like adults who love each other intensely but didn’t make it work. We both know damn well that what we had isn’t repeatable.

Surprisingly, we got on the topic of FetLife without it going completely off the rails. Turns out the guy she left me for is dead and did her the disservice of assigning her as POA before shuffling off this mortal coil.

Then there was another (influencer) guy whose life she decided to ruin when he couldn’t take a hint.

I don’t really consider myself Machiavellian, but together, we are. Take that for what you will.

But we just talked like when we were 30. I covered my dad’s struggles with the move to his new assisted-living facility, and she told me about what her boys were up to (not what I was expecting). And then, it’s after 1 a.m.

I almost wish we’d at least just fought. I don’t like to be reminded of why we worked so well until we didn’t.

  • Che Banana@beehaw.orgEnglish
    5·
    8 days ago

    It’s good to finally be an adult. What you have is as good as it can be, removing animosity is extremely healthy and you both should be congratulated.

    • Powderhorn@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
      2·
      8 days ago

      “Oh, shit, we can get along?” is tantamount to “I can fix her.”

      I know we can’t work, for which I have seven years of evidence. Much of what came up showed that (multiple grandkids, one of her sons going extreme Christian [by which I mean not Christian at all]). I’ve learned over the years that most people don’t understand the sort of pull this kind of relationship has, but I assure you, it’s not minor.

      She kept my name and still wears my wedding collar. Even nine years later, I was interrupting her with “Babe.” I have no background in psychology (though I know a surprising amount), but the fact that she stopped objecting to that somewhere around a year ago (we never used each others’ names until shit went off the rails – first names are attacks) suggests maybe the detente is moving into a new stage.

      I’m at once thrilled that I can talk with her again but horrified that there’s a bit of an undertone here.

        • Powderhorn@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
          3·
          8 days ago

          When it comes to her, well, you end up with a lousy news editor. There’s a reason the term “soulmate” exists. Whether you believe in this is largely irrelevant. She’s still the other half of me.