The sound is provided entirely by a neglected Technics 1200 that nobody knows how to adjust accept the barback that only works on Wednesdays and Fridays.

You too can learn this secret of the ages! You just need to be able pay for my one hour Webinar and Goon on camera for at least three!

For only $99 USD all will be explained via a one on one Webinar.

I have an ancient hermetic method of getting off that requires neither computer or phone. Enquire within if you seek this ancient knowledge.

But then every jabrony would be able to make money.

Mooching off of samples, I’d guess.

The grocery/retail worker Union in my city sucks for newbs. Takes a large chunk of your paycheck every two weeks until you gain seniority after 24 months, then you can be a lazy bastard as much as you want.

Unions are great, some suck.

I should’ve been a teamster, so lazy and surly…

It’s odd, after years of washing dishes for a job I can’t stand the smell of garlic or onions when it is coming from the grease left over on a plate or cook wear, but when they are first being cooked the aroma makes my mouth water.

The nose, she is fickle.

It sounds like an old wives tale, and maybe I’m naturally resistant, but if I consistently press my tongue to the roof of my mouth as I chop onions, I do not cry.

Anecdotal, of course.

Alcohol is cheaper than therapy.

The curly perm thing was big in the 90s. It’s just come back around because kids have seen what their idols of the past dressed like.

It is funny to hear stories about teenage Bros that clandestinely get curly perms from hairdressers so their boys don’t think they’re feminine salon rats.

I give absurd humor, even if it seems low effort, a pass.

Imagine how gross/dumb Monty Python sketches were to the Lost Generation. How much did The Kids In The Hall rile up Boomers?

How terrible does early South Park and Beavis and Butthead look to me now that I have a couple decades to reflect on them.

Zoomers are potentially the most existentially detached generation we have seen in a while, and I’m excited to see what they create, if my old Xennial ass lives that long.

Pfft. Afraid of melting, huh? Try one armed sit ups in molten lava.

That explains a number of things. I thought it was fancy landlord talk for French Style Studio Apartment.

No wonder my rent was so below market rate.

What’s an Oubliette?

I swear I read somewhere that there are parts of Europe were tipping isn’t required, but if you want extra good service you’ll tip before being served if you want good attentive service.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, I can’t remember where I read it.

Vitamin E (tocopherols) are also preservatives that can be added to organic food.

Mustard if you are especially desperate.

Bep bup! German Bot here!

“Das ist richtig” means “That is true”

Like and follow this bot so its creator may someday claw themselves out of the joyless pit they have dug themselves.

: pours one out for every dude that had a GF that lost herself to a Pinterest Interest wall: (or vice versa)