Why or why not?
well, i’m trans, and my partner’s trans, and so are the majority of my exes, so, i’m gonna go with yes.
Likely not. I’m a cis straight man who tends to be into women who aren’t into men, so while particularly feminine women aren’t my thing, the parts matter to me in terms of dating/having sex. Fully post-op and passing would certainly consider, but I know that’s not always the goal for trans folks.
If I found someone attractive, yes of course. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi, trans, whatever - I’m not attracted to sex or the bits between your legs, I’m attracted to person and personality. As long as you’re confident and comfortable being you, I’ll swing anyway you want.
But due to the world we live in, lot of the time the struggle of being them so very much in their identity that they can’t talk about much else and I don’t find that very attractive, in fact quite the opposite.
No, because I’m already happily married.
If I weren’t, well, the “equipment” is part of what I’m attracted to. So whether I would want to continue something long term depends on what they’re working with.
Personally yes, absolutely. I guess benefits of being Bi/Pan?
But I can see how some wouldn’t. Preference and compatibility matters in a relationship.
Having been in this position, sure, but I’ve also had to end relationships because the person transitioned in a direction I wasn’t attracted to. Communicating honestly and openly is the key, as it is for pretty much everything about interpersonal relationships.
That reminds me of a friend back in WoW who said she once broke off a relationship after coming home from a holiday and finding out her boyfriend had become her girlfriend.
Yeah but I’m bi and just am into people that make me thirsty, doesn’t matter to me
Unfathomably based
You can find people attractive without wanting to date them.
true, it’s hard to fit all the context I wanted to add within a title …
my question is really meant to ask how people would react to learning someone they are attracted to and would otherwise date is trans
If I just asked “would you date a trans person” I would expect the reader to think of an ugly trans person because that’s the stereotype, and then the answer is usually no, but that doesn’t get at what I’m wondering about.
Go with, if you were romantically attracted to a person. That helps differentiate between lust and love.
well being attracted to someone doesn’t imply physical attraction to me - it’s a reasonable interpretation, but it can also mean romantic interest
Wasn’t the question…
Being already married and stuff aside, as a straight cisgender male I would honestly have a hard time with it. Like, my parents’ neighbor is a trans woman and I’d be lying if I denied noticing her (covered) boobs when she was hanging out in the back yard. But if I’m going to have a romantic relationship with someone, there are physical traits that attract me and others that don’t… And I would need to be attracted to my partner, both with what’s typically visible in public and what isn’t.
It’s nothing personal, and I truly hope their new body (whatever that may be) works for them and they find the love they want. It’s just not what I’m after.
To use the cliche as a tl;dr, it’s not you, it’s me.
Would you feel differently about a post-op trans woman? I assume the hang-up is the penis on a woman?
Do you think a penis would be a deal-breaker even if it were feminine: soft, flaccid, more like an oversized clit than a penis? Would it change anything to know lots of trans women’s penises don’t ejaculate, but instead produce wetness like a cis woman would when aroused?
I don’t doubt the gential preference, I just sometimes think straight men think of the female penis as being like a man’s penis, and that’s not usually the case.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. In theory, sure: the initial question assumed initial (presumably clothed) attraction. You’ve got the body parts I enjoy between the sheets. Let’s give it a try!
But also, I’m a dumb human with dumb human hangups that shouldn’t matter, but do. Maybe this person is everything I wanted and I could never turn that down; maybe there’s a mental block I just can’t get around despite my best efforts
Yes. Because i find them attractive.
Yeah we already established in the premise I find them attractive. Of course I would.
this is the right answer, here is your prize: 🎂
There’s no “right” answer to this question.
I know, I was joking 😝
THE CAKE WAS NOT A LIE!!!
you forgot this part:
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Yeah. Half the people I’ve dated are trans.
I would not. I’m all for treating people as they want to be treated, but as far as my own attraction goes, I don’t think I’d be able to completely think of them as being of the opposite sex.
Same for me. I am all for trans rights and I would 100% support their choice, but I don’t think dating would work for me.
this assumes you are able to tell, do you think you can always tell?
or is the point that once you know they are trans, the knowledge prevents you from seeing them as their gender?
If I couldn’t tell, and they didn’t tell me, then i guess I’d just be happy in my ignorance. I can’t say that I can always tell, because… well I wouldn’t necessarily know about the times I couldn’t tell. But yes, if I knew then it would break the attraction for me.
that makes sense!
What do you think it is about learning someone is trans that breaks the attraction for you?
Good question. I think what it comes down to is that the idea of someone being trans is just kind of foreign to me. I never met someone in person who was trans until I was close to 40, as far as I know. So for most of my life I categorized people, at least as far as attractiveness and dating goes, without distinguishing between sex at birth and gender identity.
So while I treat (or hope that I treat) trans people as appropriate for their chosen gender, it doesn’t come completely naturally to me. It’s hard for me not to think of a trans woman as “a man who wants to be treated as a woman”, even though I know that’s not what they want. And while in day to day interactions I can just ignore that difficulty and treat a trans woman as a woman, when it comes to romantic interest it is not so easily ignored.
I know a couple of people who transitioned and if I didn’t know I couldn’t tell.
I think I would be open to date if I found out organically that they are trans.
If instead it is the topic of conversation every other day, I’d pass.
If I was to go on a date and found them attractive, I would not disqualify them for being trans.
Im a 50 year old wht sis male (I hope that’s right). Tbh, not sure that this would have been my answer 25 years ago.
I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I had a problem with that
ha, fair enough - though it’s precisely because I’m trans that I would be hesitant to date a trans person, but honestly it would depend on the person and where they are in transition, among other things. I guess in my mind if I loved them, that would transcend that they are trans (just like if they were in an accident and became paraplegic, my love and loyalty to my partner would mean I would still love them and stay with them even with that disability).
Fair enough. I might be a little hesitant to date someone really early in their transition, just because I would need to seriously consider whether I was able to take on the somewhat implied responsibility that comes with that to guide them through such a scary and vulnerable period.
Beyond that I’m functionally t4t, it’s just really nice to date someone who gets you, and all the baggage that entails, and with whom you already have such a strong shared connection.
Side note: The atmosphere on Lemmy is very pro-queer. Mastodon seems to be pretty queer too, but the number of users is a lot bigger, so you might see more diversity in answers. If you asked the same question on Reddit or X, you would absolutely find lots of unsavory comments.
“unsavory” lol
Yeah, that’s just a shorter way to say: “open hostility, verbal assault, hate speech, various kinds of unethical or even criminal activity, and general online nastiness”.
thanks for the note 😊
